A throwback to our first power rankings

Good Afternoon and for our viewers in

New Jersey

good evening, ha ha! Welcome to the 5th annual GMC POWER RANKINGS! These rankings are done with top notch computers and the folks over at LifeTime Sports. This mornings host for the power rankings is Matt Laurer formerly of BET.

Baron Laurer take it away!

UNO: The Long Island Playboys of

Long Island

! For the 3rd week the Playboys have taken the top floor since we didn’t have a mountain. They beat the deprived and pathetic Belt parkway Girl scouts 55-3. Folks, to be perfectly frank with you it was not pretty due to the perfectly executed flying V offense of the Long Island Playboys. Coach Don Tweeds… err scratch that he did not attend the weekends highly anticipated event to a yachting trip he had previously planned with Rich Gannon and the families. We here at the Hooters® POWER RANKINGS have gotten word that the trip was a delight and Mr. Tweeds is recovering from the lead poisoning which he obtained from Rich stabbing him in a scuffle over the last helping of lasagna. Due 2 Coach Donald’s vacation, assistant coach Richard Thompason, took the reigns and attempted to use the Wish Bone offense. One of the problems is that Dick a former Navy standout and lifelong beauracrat did not understand the wish bone. Larry Johnson of the King Kullen Turds had this to say, “Are you fuckin honkies kidding me, the wishbone?”

DOS: El Over-Ambitious Penguins held onto the number two spot with a bye week.

TreS: The Harlem Knights moved up six spots to the tres position in the coveted power rankings. I’m sorry our statistician Ryan Leaf has just informed that the Harlem Knights is a former XFL fantasy franchise.

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Forty-Eight: Confused Foreigners- information could not be obtained
KFC® Presents Fifty: ChurchsChickenCheapAsss – who cares
Fifty One- who else is even in the league?

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Nine Thousand three hundred and forty four – Marist Turds - Hallo auf ihres jüdischer Schweinpenis

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Rest of the no name teams were absolute horse shit and should not be ranked!

Good Evening and god bless.